He is dreadfully married. He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Marriage
Draw your salary before spending it.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Money
Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come receive him as pleasantly as possible. Like the tax collector, he is a disagreeable chap to have in one’s house, but the more amiably you greet him the sooner he will go away.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Trouble, Acceptance
When a fellow says it hain’t the money but the principle o’ the thing, it’s th’ money.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Money
Im not a politician and my other habits are good. Ive no enemys to reward, nor friends to sponge. But Im a Union man.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don’t die at all—he sort of rots away, like a pollywog’s tail.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Marriage
Let us all be happy, and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.
—Charles Farrar Browne (Artemus Ward)
Topics: Money
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
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- Don Marquis American Humorist, Journalist
- Thomas Masson American Journalist
- Robert Quillen American Journalist
- Mark Twain American Humorist
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- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) American Humorist
- Bill Bryson American Humorist
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