If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
—George Burns
Topics: Stress, Worry
If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
—George Burns
Topics: Hollywood
It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
—George Burns
Topics: Aging, Age
I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
—George Burns
Topics: Success, Failure, Passion
Life’s but a day at most.
—George Burns
Topics: Life and Living
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
—George Burns
Topics: Drinking
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
—George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
—George Burns
Topics: Humor
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
—George Burns
Topics: Retirement
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
—George Burns
Topics: Goals, Business, Goal
The secret of a good sermon is
to have a good beginning and a good ending,
then having the two as close together as possible.
—George Burns
Topics: Speech
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
—George Burns
Topics: Family, Funny quotes
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
—George Burns
Topics: Learning
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can’t wait to finish your breakfast. You can’t wait to do your exercises. You can’t wait to put on your clothes. You can’t wait to get out—and you can’t wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
—George Burns
Topics: Joy
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
—George Burns
Topics: Sex
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
—George Burns
Topics: The Future
By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.
—George Burns
Topics: Age, Aging
I’d rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.
—George Burns
Topics: Talents, Abilities, Work, Failure
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
—George Burns
Topics: Age
How can I die? I’m booked.
—George Burns
Topics: Age, Aging
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
—George Burns
Topics: Age
Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
—George Burns
Topics: Sex
Look to the future, because that is where you’ll spend the rest of your life.
—George Burns
Topics: Life and Living
It’s too bad the people who really know how to run the country are so busy cutting hair and driving taxis.
—George Burns
You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
—George Burns
Topics: Aging, Age
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
—George Burns
Topics: Government, Politics, Just for Fun
I look better, feel better, make love better and I’ll tell you something else….I never lied better.
—George Burns
Topics: Authors & Writing
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
—George Burns
Topics: Honesty, Acting
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- Tim Robbins American Actor, Director
- Fred Astaire American Dancer, Singer
- Vincent Price American Actor
- Edward Everett Horton American Actor
- George Carlin American Comedian
- Bob Hope British-born American Comedian, Film Actor
- Sidney Poitier American Actor, Film Director
- Martin Landau American Actor
- Milton Berle American Entertainer
- Jackie Gleason American Comic Actor
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