My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door — or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Topics: Adversity, Optimism
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property”.
I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Can we talk?
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes — and six months later you have to start all over again.
You have to laugh and cry over and over again with someone before you feel comfortable.
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
- Whoopi Goldberg American Comedian
- Jerry Seinfeld American Comedian
- Buddy Hackett American Comedian
- Bill Maher American Comedian TV Personality
- Jimmy Fallon American Comedian
- Phyllis Diller American Actor
- Jonathan Winters American Comedian
- Groucho Marx American Actor
- Rodney Dangerfield American Comedian
- Robin Williams American Actor