Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Advice
He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Golf
It’s a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people don’t want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Manners, Excuses
My only objection to the custom of giving books as Christmas presents is perhaps the selfish one that it encourages and keeps in the game a number of writers who would be far better employed if they abandoned the pen and took to work.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Books
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Golf
In all crises of human affairs there are two broad courses open to a man. He can stay where he is or he can go elsewhere.
—P. G. Wodehouse
He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say “when!”
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Dress, Fashion
After all, golf is only a game, said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don’t realise what they are saying.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Golf
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Golf
Marriage isn’t a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Marriage
Flowers are happy things.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Flowers
I always advise people never to give advice.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Advice
So always look for the silver lining
And try to find the sunny side of life.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Optimism
Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Criticism
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say ‘when.’
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Diet, Weight, Insults
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else’s cash.
—P. G. Wodehouse
Topics: Divorce
Wondering Whom to Read Next?
- J. B. Priestley British Novelist, Playwright, Essayist
- Jane Austen English Novelist
- Evelyn Waugh British Novelist, Satirist
- E. M. Forster English Novelist
- Margaret Drabble English Novelist
- J. G. Ballard English Novelist
- A. P. Herbert English Humorist, Politician
- William Makepeace Thackeray English Novelist
- Anthony Trollope English Novelist
- Jeanette Winterson English Novelist
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