There are things you just can’t do in life. You can’t beat the phone company, you can’t make a waiter see you until he’s ready to see you, and you can’t go home again.
And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any umber of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven’t yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is o way to capture food?
Clearly, some time ago makers and consumers of American junk food passed jointly through some kind of sensibility barrier in the endless quest for new taste sensations. Now they are a little like those desperate junkies who have tried every known drug and are finally reduced to mainlining toilet bowl cleanser in an effort to get still higher.
The whole of the global economy is based on supplying the cravings of two per cent of the world’s population.
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age.
Isn’t it strange how wealth is always wasted on the rich?
We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.
- Garrison Keillor American Author
- S. J. Perelman American Humorist
- Mark Twain American Humorist
- Thomas Chandler Haliburton Canadian Author
- Thomas Masson American Journalist
- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) American Humorist
- Andy Rooney American Writer
- Cullen Hightower American Humorist
- Don Herold American Humorist
- Sam Levenson American Humorist