My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Marriage
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Marriage
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Acting, Actors, Emotions
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Difficulty
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
—Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Eating
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Honesty
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Jealousy
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
—Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
—Rodney Dangerfield
Topics: Children
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